"I'm having a thought here, Barbossa..." - Captain Jack Sparrow
And so the pattern repeats itself.
I'm feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of a new school year and what I have to try to accomplish. I feel inadequate and incompetent. I panic.
I seek out security. I seek out the familiar. I flee to safety.
But then I don't feel safe. Instead, I feel like a failure. I still feel overwhelmed, but this time I feel overwhelmed AND like I'm copping out.
Tonight, I had an epiphany [Note: I reserve the right to be repeating something I've already said before, like from a previous epiphany. It takes me a really long time to learn some things]. It is as follows:
What if the reason I still feel overwhelmed and like a failure and like I'm copping out is because I'm, yet again, trying to control everything myself? What if the unending feelings of being overwhelmed are really a sign that I need not turn to a familiar homeschool curriculum guide or "better" lesson plans? What if they are instead a deep-rooted acknowledgment that I CANNOT do this. At least not on my own. At least not without relying on and trusting completely in God to be in charge and to guide me down this path.
There is no peace for me and that's just not how it's supposed to be when you are living in Christ, right?
I have a feeling that, if I do this right, the one who is going to learn the most this year will be me.