Sunday, September 30, 2007

9-30-05

Two years ago today, we were told that Reece has an autism spectrum disorder. It changed our lives in so many ways, I can't even seem to remember what it was like to not have autism be a part of our world. There are definitely days where I wish we had never gotten her a diagnosis, but then I do see the progress she has made through the last 2 years. So, for that much, it was worth it.

Maybe one of these days I'll be able to write eloquently about my family and autism. There are so many questions that I'm still trying to reconcile:

Am I supposed to be mad at autism and ready to fight it like crazy, or am I supposed to accept the autism that is a part of my children and love them for who they are?

Will I ever stop worrying that I'm not doing enough?

Will I ever stop hearing about another therapy, come home and spend the next 6 hours googling, and then feel like I'm a terrible mom for not doing 'everything I can' to help my children?

Are we better off having a diagnosis for these children?

Was it better when we just thought we were terrible parents, because we haven't stopped thinking we're terrible parents, now we're just terrible parents with baggage.

Will September 30th ever feel the same again?

Reece stood at the window today when I left to take Riley to choir. She hollered out, "Good-bye, Mama! I love you!" She definitely has come a very long way. I pray that she continues to make progress like that. I just want her to be happy!

2 comments:

JamBerry said...

Niffercoo, you're a great mom and you've got great kids!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

I have no idea what God's plans are for either of my kids, the one on the spectrum or the one not on the spectrum. But God's got good plans for both of them, and all three of yours, and you and me too! As hard as it is to remember sometimes, God is even bigger than autism.

Niffercoo said...

Thank you so much for this comment, Jamberry. I get so focused on wanting what the world thinks is 'good' or 'successful' for my children. I need to remember that God doesn't always work that way. He wants what is truly good for them.